How to tell if someone likes you: signs in messages and in person

You've been chatting for a while, maybe you've even met once, and you catch yourself rereading their messages for clues. Everyone does it. There's no secret code to crack, but some signs say a lot more than others — and a few popular "signs" say almost nothing.

In messages: what really counts

Interest shows less in the words themselves than in the way someone takes part in the conversation:

• They ask questions back. Not just "and you?", but questions about what you told them.
• They remember details. "How did the interview go?" means they kept your Tuesday in mind.
• Their replies have something in them — a story, a joke, a question, not only "haha" and "ok".
• The conversation carries on over several days, and sometimes you're not the one who writes first.
• They suggest a call or a meeting — or, when you suggest one, they answer with a time instead of "sure, sometime".

On YADate, small gestures count too: a wink, a reply to one of your answers in "Questions", a voice message instead of a quick line of text.

Look at consistency rather than intensity. Steady interest over a week says more than fifty messages in one evening followed by silence.

Signs that mean less than you think

• How fast they reply. Some people answer within seconds, others in the evening after work. A slow reply is usually about their day, not about you. What matters is that replies come and have something in them.
• Emojis and exclamation marks. That's style. Some people put a smiley in every line, others never use one, and habits differ between languages and countries too.
• "Online", but no reply. Being online doesn't mean being free to talk: they might be answering a friend or just checking something quickly. On YADate people can also hide their online status and turn off read receipts, so a missing "read" mark isn't a signal either.
• Lots of compliments right away. They're nice to hear but cost nothing. A flood of declarations in the first few days is more often a reason to be careful — see how to spot a romance scammer.

In person: what people do when they're interested

On a date, look at behaviour rather than at single phrases:

• their phone stays in their pocket, and their attention stays with you;
• they turn towards you, lean in and laugh at your jokes — even the average ones;
• the meeting lasts longer than planned, or they suggest a walk after coffee;
• they talk about plans that include you: "You have to try the dumplings at that place — let's go some time";
• they write after the date, or want to know that you got home safely.

Body language is a hint, not proof. Shy people may avoid eye contact even when they like you a lot, and some people simply don't show much when they're nervous.

When the signs are mixed

Sometimes it's hard to tell. A lively evening of messages, then three days of silence. Friendly and funny, but never suggests meeting. There can be many reasons: a busy week, uncertainty, talking to several people at once, or wanting friendship rather than romance.

You can't read anyone's mind, but over a couple of weeks you can notice patterns:

• Who usually writes first and suggests plans?
• When you suggest something specific, do they agree or change the subject?
• Do their words ("I'd love to meet you") match what they do?

If you're always the one starting conversations and making plans, that's information too.

The most reliable sign: just ask

All the signs put together are less reliable than one direct, friendly question. It doesn't have to be dramatic:

• In the chat: "I really enjoy talking to you. Would you like to meet for coffee this week?"
• After a date: "I had a great time. I'd like to see you again — how about you?"

A clear "yes" is great news. A vague answer twice in a row is an answer too. Asking directly isn't pushy: it respects the other person's time as much as yours.

If the interest isn't mutual

It happens to everyone, and it says nothing about your worth. Don't try to change someone's mind with more messages or long explanations. A short, kind reply and a step forward are enough: "Thanks for being honest. Good luck!" And if you're the one who isn't feeling it, After the first date explains how to say no kindly.

Interest shows in actions, and it shouldn't need decoding. When in doubt, ask.

Once you've agreed to meet, our article on what to talk about on a first date will help the conversation flow.